2014 Reflections

2014 started rough. I had no phone, no job, I was wracked with depression that some days I couldn’t even get out of bed. With the support of my fam I pushed forward, and set the goal of correcting those three things. If I did that, I’d reward myself with a PlayStation 4. Then something incredible happened, 2014 became one of my best years in recent memory.

I got a job and, 5 months later, was promoted to a career path I’ve wanted to get into for the last few years. I got my phone line reconnected, and just recently upgraded the phone itself. And finally, I didn’t just get out of bed, I traveled the west coast, met some new friends, reconnected with old friends, learned how to skateboard and developed a love for longboarding.

I exceeded every goal I set this year. I have my family and friends to thank for always being there. I also have me to thank, because this year I finally chose to believe in myself. And yes, I got my PS4.

The year wasn’t without it’s pitfalls, but I learned that when we fall, we fall forward. So never give up, keep pushing, you got this. Thanks 2014! Here’s to setting goals, to exceeding them, to believing yourself, to celebrating your accomplishments!

Here’s to 2015!


Why I will always keep fighting

Love for Phoenix

This was early March 2012, pre-chest tubes, pre-transplant, about a year and a bit into treatment. Phoenix has had her feeding tube in for a couple months at this point. It was a hard decision for us to have to put in a tube, but it needed to be done. This is a common tool for cancer patients because of their lack of appetite. We gave her nutrients through the tube and anything she ate was a bonus. As well, she had to take meds orally twice a day and she was sick of them because they tasted disgusting. We “sold” her on it by telling her she wouldn’t have to drink the yucky medicine anymore, so she was all over it.

The way these tubes are inserted is through the nose and down into her stomach. It would make her gag and vomit for a few minutes as the…

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The Year Thus Far

What the junk 2012?!

It’s only a month and a half in and already this year is off to an insane start. Yes, a lot happened in 2011, but damn, didn’t expect the momentum to carry this well into the new year. Wait, that’s a lie, yeah I did. In fact, I was hoping for it. But so far, it’s not exactly the best…

So, this year is supposed to be THE year, or at least I’ve always been hoping it to be. Apocalyptic predictions aside, I always promised myself that 27 would be magnificent. Well, this year I’m turning 27, and this year I’d would have to build up to magnificence.

Thus, I decided to restart my training regimen. Those of you who may have seen this blog eons ago might recall my series of exercises. I had trained hard for 45 days alongside Khingz in an effort to improve my conditioning. The plan worked, I slimmed down and I was feeling pretty great about myself…until the holidays…

2 years later and I’ve gotten back into it. Starting mid January I’ve been following much the same training regimen as last time. Only this time around, I’ve invested in my own batch of Protein. It’s made a difference. I’m a lot bigger than last time, not sure how I feel about it though, I’ve always been the skinny one. But hey, I figure I’ll hit a peak and past that point it’s refinement.

I do this to sharpen the body, while simultaneously sharpening the mind. While not reading books, I am listening to everyone around me, learning from every experience, trying to gain new perspective on things. So far, based on conversations with friends, the ideas I’ve come up with are in line with many books they keep suggesting I read…guess it can’t be helped.

I’ll look into the books suggested, after all “a sound soul dwells within a sound mind, and a sound body.” This year will be magnificent, I’ve promised myself. At least that’s what I hoped…external forces have tested that desire.

Work continues to be an interesting experience. I’m in a field I’ve always been curious about, but never really explored. I’m now at a help desk, troubleshooting software for customers. While very fun, it’s also amazingly frustrating, well some customers anyway. It’s made me realize that it’s really no longer ok to not know how to use a computer, or the internet, or a phone anymore…but that’s why I’m there, to help those in need, and can afford it…

I have to wake up for work at 4:30 every day, which means I get out of bed at 4:50 every day, to be at work at 6:00…well more like 6:12…in any case, it’s early, which is painful. But I’ve got to do it. It pays the bills, and helps me to continue helping my niece in her time of need, plus I’m off early so I can see her. But more on that subject shortly because, speaking of family, some close members of my family just moved away!

Remember Niks from those exercise posts? No? She has her own blog too, you should check it out. In any case, she had come to the realization that life in this town just wasn’t cutting it anymore. She’s been here her whole life and she desperately needed a change, and life threw her just the right opportunity at just the right time. So what did she do? What everyone needs to do, she seized it and ran with it.

More power to her! She’s moved far away, to a place she’s never been to, surrounded by folks who love and care for her who also up and moved. She’s starting a new chapter in her life and knows it will be difficult, but she’s done it anyway. It’s inspiring really. Plus, she’s not alone, she brought her daughter Papaya with her.

An amazing little girl who holds the world in the palm of her hand, a revolutionary of the future who will grow up in a place with the capacity to nurture her growth. Granted, this city would have suited just fine, but, her mom didn’t want her to be stifled by the same energies which tent to stifle everyone here. And I agree.

The only thing though, is that the universe will always need a balance. And where there’s the amazing growth potential and amazing energy where Niks and her daughter are concerned, an astounding toll has been taken on JB, the father.

JB is another amazing individual you can see his blog on the side, shetpancit, he has to be to have joined with Niks to bring Papaya into this world. In addition, he’s given full consent for Niks to bring Papaya with her, knowing full well that it will be an unforgettable part of her life. However, he is still human, and not being able to be with his daughter, if only for a short time, is undeniably difficult.

I consider JB a brother, I’ve got his back and continually offer support, something our mutual management at work does not offer. They’re being jerks at the matter, going through the motions of granting him time off, but griping every step of the way. It makes no sense to me, and pisses me off every step of the way.

But enough about work. Back to the family subject, remember how I mentioned my niece? Well, this little girl, the daughter of Papa Danger, whom we call Baby Danger, is the most phenomenal person I know.

Why? Because she’s 4, and she’s been battle the hell out of cancer for the last year. She shows no sign of quitting too. She’s been through the worst, most painful chemo treatments and yet she still outpaces healthy kids. When her bones hurt from the cancer cells, what does she do? She goes for a walk, so she can go to the play room and start dancing.

There’s no quit in this girl. But the crazy part is the fact she’s battling a part of herself. And thus she’s fighting something nearly as strong as she is, something which much to our horror and dismay, keeps coming back. Like, what the fuck. Seriously, fuck cancer. It needs to leave our lives now, having well overstayed its welcome. Baby Danger isn’t quitting, so it’s up to cancer to throw in the towel.

I have no doubt in my mind that baby Danger will make a full and complete recovery. And once she does, and her full powers are unleashed, the world will shake, the heavens will roar and all will know what true might is.

After all, this girl is already magnificent.



Last night I dreamt gigantic beasts were invading the world.

We had tried to combat them but to no avail, our weapons could not damage them. It was then decided that a legendary sword would have to be forged, one with the power to defeat these mighty beasts.

A sword of this magnitude would have to be made out of rare materials, however, and would have to be made by the greatest of smiths. This drove prices high, and the sword eventually attained a price that few were willing to fund, after all, it was just a sword.

The beasts continued to ravage the landscape, razing entire cities, destroying transportation and infrastructure so that few could escape. In many instances, they would attack in pairs, destroying buildings, feeding on the humans who lived there.

In one attack, I noticed the deceased had left a seemingly flowing river of monetary funds. Many who were devoured were the greedy who held onto their money until their dying breath. These funds would pile in the streets and choke the rivers.

We eventually gathered these to pay the smiths who had half-completed the legendary sword. They then continued on, gathering materials and creating not just a sword, but a suit of armor, made from titanium and carbon fiber.

At this point we had to select a champion to wield this sword and armor. A young boy was eventually chosen. He would be trained while the weapon and armor were being made, as they would still take time.

However, before this champion could wield the weapon to fell the mighty beasts, I woke up, heart racing, torn from further observing this world.